{"id":4697,"date":"2023-03-09T20:00:55","date_gmt":"2023-03-09T12:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.drihk.com\/?p=4697"},"modified":"2023-03-09T20:00:59","modified_gmt":"2023-03-09T12:00:59","slug":"turning-complaints-into-request","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/zh\/turning-complaints-into-request\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning Complaints into Request"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4447\" width=\"36\" height=\"19\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-18x10.jpg 18w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 36px) 100vw, 36px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How often does it happen that you want to communicate a need, and emotions like frustration, anger, and disappointment take over? Leaving you complaining to express that need. It could be at work, with your partner, or with your children.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Our brain seems to be hardwired to communicate our needs through complaints, for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Why haven\u2019t you turned in that report yet?&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You\u2019re always on your phone and you never pay attention to me.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How many times do I have to tell you to do the dishes?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This is room is a mess. Tidy it up now!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If we take the phone example, the need is for connection. If we were to express the same need in a different way, for example, I would love to spend some time with you. Could we have dinner without looking at our phones? This is a request. We are expressing the same need, yet the outcome for this scenario will be much different.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The recipient doesn\u2019t feel attacked. On the other hand, they might even find it endearing. Their presence is missed, and they feel love.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Language matters. <\/strong>When I say language I include body language, as well as tone and your choice of words. We often overlook how very important it is to be more selective with how we choose to communicate something that will actually get us to the outcome we are looking for.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why do we complain?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Complaints are made because we wish for something that is not being met. There is an underlying disappointment and a growing frustration that what we want is being neglected. The problem is a complaint not only doesn\u2019t solve the problem, it usually makes it worse.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Complaining as a pattern undermines teams, and in a relationship hurts the bond. We tend to use language like always, never, nothing, and everything. These exaggerated words have a negative impact.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We fuse the person and problem and directly attack them both. The recipient of the complaint tends to defend and the argument escalates and leaves both parties feeling unsatisfied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Complaints keep you focused on the past and not building or exploring possibilities for the future.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4447\" width=\"36\" height=\"20\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-18x10.jpg 18w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 36px) 100vw, 36px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4705\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-18x12.jpg 18w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/sebastian-herrmann-NbtIDoFKGO8-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4447\" width=\"36\" height=\"19\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2-18x10.jpg 18w, https:\/\/www.oldsite.drihk.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Blank-2.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 36px) 100vw, 36px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The antidote to complaints<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To get your needs met, and get more collaboration from others we can turn complaints into requests with a positive need and reasoning behind them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s break this formula down. First, we have the request. To create a request we need a soft start-up:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Could you\u2026?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would you\u2026?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Is it possible\u2026?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then we add the positive need and the reasoning. In this portion, it\u2019s important to not focus on the past but to be forward facing. The reasoning is important because it clarifies to the recipient why we want this need met.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This will make our request even more effective and create motivation in our recipients to fulfill our needs. For example, if I ask you \u201cPlease open the window\u201d, it is not as powerful as asking, \u201cCan you please open the window, because it feels quite stuffy and I would love some fresh air?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now, to review making a complaint into a request. Let\u2019s start with a complaint first.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>There\u2019s never any paper for the printer.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We have a problem: a lack of paper being ordered to print. The need is for someone to order paper. This complaint points fingers, makes people feel bad and gets you nowhere.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s turn into a request:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Would you please order paper for the printer so we don\u2019t run out?&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was polite, it expressed a positive need and reasoning. The problem is solved and no one is blamed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Power of Requests<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At work and in your home this can be a big game changer for your relationships. It is very difficult to break out of old habits and patterns, yet the rewards to reap are amazing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>When we turn complaints into actionable requests we empower those around us to meet our needs with positive language and attitude.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The next time you feel like making a complaint we encourage you to pause, reflect and find the best way to turn it into a request.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When our requests are met both parties leave the interaction with a better feeling, and feeling good is what rewires our brain to repeat an action again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Could you try to make a request next time you feel like complaining so that you can see a positive impact on your relationships?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tiara Hoquee<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How often does it happen that you want to communicate a need, and emotions like frustration, anger, and disappointment take over? Leaving you complaining to express that need. It could be at work, with your partner, or with your children.&nbsp; Our brain seems to be hardwired to communicate our needs through complaints, for example: If&#8230;<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4708,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog-post"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v18.4.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Turning Complaints into Request - Destiny Research Institute (DRI) Hong Kong | The Legacy Blueprint\u2122<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"zh_HK\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Turning Complaints into Request - Destiny Research Institute (DRI) Hong Kong | The Legacy Blueprint\u2122\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How often does it happen that you want to communicate a need, and emotions like frustration, anger, and disappointment take over? 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